Some people don’t cry at all. Their shock is paralyzing. They position pictures of their deceased loved ones everywhere and force themselves to remember everything just so they won’t forget them……but they hold back the tears. They simply refuse to cry as if somehow not crying will keep their memory from breaking or prevent their loved one from being disappointed in their lack of strength toward their passing.
Others cry all the time repeating over and over, “I don’t want to forget them.” Their shock is generating a flood of emotions in an attempt to keep their loved one’s memory alive.
Neither is healthy.
There were times I wore myself out trying to remember baby Jalon’s face, his giggle. How I longed to even hear him cry once again. Fortunately, just one year prior to his death, we purchased a video camera and shot lots of film footage all year long capturing some of the greatest moments a mother could ever have hoped for. One such moment was actually capturing Jalon’s first walking steps. He was sitting, then he pushed himself up from his knees and walked two steps. And I got it all on film! I watched it over and over just grasping that brief moment in his life.
Then I went to the other extreme of putting away all the photos. Nothing shared his face because I couldn’t bear his absence any longer.
Watching the video over and over and over in an attempt to keep Jalon alive in my memory while simultaneously remembering not to place his bowl and spoon at the dinner table was unbearable.
I needed another means to celebrate his life without destroying mine. Continue reading I don’t want to forget them.
Oh well, I warned you. That’s okay. You can be contagious this once! No one will mind too much!
