What do you do when a family member is diagnosed with a terminal condition and given only weeks to live?
This is why I’ve been absent from blogging on this site. My dad passed away May 8, 2009, a 2:55 pm in the Harbor Hospice Home in Beaumont, TX, after spending a greater portion of April in MDAnderson hospital in Houston, TX.
Yes, I’m having crying moments even though he lived a full 73 years of blessings. There is just something about losing a parent you have been such a part of your entire life. I stayed up with him, at times, day and night, giving my mother and siblings a chance to rest and grieve each in their own ways; since I’m the only child living 13 hours away with limited chances of spending such elongated periods with my family. Oh, the talks we had. How wonderful! I thank my husband and kids for allowing me this time away. It was truly good for me and my extended family.
Death from an illness is much different to death from an sudden accident. The Dying Process is quite involved, especially with today’s medical advances. Such decisions posed to families already in shock at the freshly revealed diagnosis. I have many things to share and many questions for us to discuss in the days and weeks ahead.
While I was gone, a former co-worker’s wife and 2 sons were murdered in their own home. Such a senseless act of violence robbing life from people I knew.
Upon returning home, my husband is called upon to help a family whose eighth month pregnant daughter was killed in an automobile accident leaving another infant child behind. Sill another funeral my husband will perform this week is from a man so ridden with pain he committed suicide right before a planned fishing trip. Both complete shockers….. unexpected…. hurtful….. but now necessary for the families to face this final reality.
Truly we are all in a dying process day by day when forced to grasp our own humanity in times like these. However, I found in myself with many questions to ponder that never occurred to me before I sat beside my Dad in the active stage of dying.
One pamplet source of information that I and my family found quite helpful during my Dad’s dying process can be found at www.crossingthecreek.com
This information was written by a Registered Nurse, Michael Holmes, who literally sat and interviewed dying patients willing to share what they were going through in their final days on earth. Such topics as pain management, respiratory, appetite, circulation, energy loss, fear, symbology and grief are discussed. I’m sure the information will arouse further questions I hope you will comment on here so all of us can ponder these things together. The thin book cost an individual ordering online $20 and is used by many hospice agencies throughout the US. It wouldn’t hurt to call your local hospice care center and ask for a free copy.
There is another book I recommend highly for such times as these that will certainly give you greater understanding about where our loved ones go and how life is for them there. This book is entitled “Heaven”, by Randy Alcorn. The hard copy is $13 and there’s a study guide and children’s editions available as well. You can order directly from Amazon.com below.
We spend so little time thinking about life after death until it’s way too late. While this book can certainly help us during the grieving process now, it can help us deal with our own humanity toward our own futures, as well as give insight to those friends and families who simply don’t know what to and what not to say to us during these seasons of life.
Before I post part 2 of ‘The Reality of Heaven’, I wanted to give a special tribute to mothers who have never (or for only a short moment) held their babies physically in their arms before the precious little one departed and returned to Heaven.
The song “A Baby’s Prayer” says it all. And Kathy Troccoli presents it so well at her own site http://www.troccoli.com/videos.htm
But here’s another person’s visual of the song taken off Youtube. Watch and be blessed!
In a previous post entitled “I don’t want to forget them,” I wrote: He was here and now is in heaven…… I meditated on the reality of heaven and what it must be like and how wonderful it must be for my son, Jalon Micah.
So, how did I meditate on the reality of heaven? I’m so glad you asked.
You got it. I read about heaven in the Bible. I read every passage I could find. I lingered on verses and imagined my baby in the context of what the verse was saying.
God’s throne is there: Acts 7:49
Just imagine your little boy or girl stepping foot into the most awesome fairy tale setting with majestic kings and sparkling crowns. Oh, the oos and ahs you could hear their little voices sounding at the splendor of it all.
Remember the movies ‘Cinderella’, ‘Narnia’, and ‘EverAfter’?
Remember taking your child to see DisneyLand or DisneyWorld? Oh, the looks on their faces are worth a million words. What a delight!
Now, I just bet on the goodness of Daddy God making sure there’s a video tape of Jalon’s days there with Him that He’ll play for me when I get there to relive those moments of absolute joy together. After all, we have all eternity to do so…..no time crunch there, for sure.
There are angels in heaven watching over our children: Matthew 18:10, 14
I think one of the most comforting things to know in my heart was that God had no intention of Jalon perishing.
And just as the Scripture says, Jalon had an angel watching over him here on earth. I just know in my heart that same Angel assigned to Jalon was also his personal escort into and around this awesome city called ‘heaven’.
Heaven is where we can rest: Revelation 14:13
The more I meditated on all the Scriptures about heaven, the more at peace I was in my heart.
Amazingly, when I was at peace, I could sleep ever so soundly. It was as if the very ‘rest’ of heaven reached down from heaven and touched me.
Heaven is joyful: Luke 15:6-7 and Psalm 16:11
Before Jalon died he sang a song over and over and over and it went something like this: “O- o-O-o-o-Oh, heaven in my…….HEART!” Well, he was only 2 years old, so the vocal tone wasn’t quite stabilized in development just yet. (Note: Click on the red link ’ HEART’ above and listen to my remembrance of Jalon’s singing.)
I imagine Jalon cringing at me telling about his singing now because I’m sure he’s improved over the years. After all, he’s had angels teaching and demonstrating a more excellent presentation.
Your thoughts?
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Wow, it’s been a whole week since I last posted. How could that happen? Well, I’ve thought a lot about all of you; so much so I literally thought I had posted just a couple of days ago versus a whole week.
When loss comes, it seems as though time stands still, but its really passing just as fast, we are just in a ‘time reality bubble’. Its when crisis hits that we stop to think of the things that are most important and really matter in our life.
My challenge to you is to stop today, before crisis, and assess your life, your activities, your relationships. Where are you? Whare am I?
I’ve been sitting at my computer way too much working. Yeah, blogging is not my only computer activity. So what do I do about it? I’m going to get up and go somewhere. Where? Off by myself to read the Bible, listen to some soothing music, and…….
Oh yeah! This week we have four birthdays and two more later in the month……I would go to the store and prepare but looking out my window a horrible wind/rain storm is just blowing in. Okay, back to reading in a warm corner of the house. Maybe it will be over soon and we can still go to the ‘ballet’ this afternoon for our daughter’s birthday treat.
Well, I have a lot of good stuff to write but I just wanted you to know what’s happening in my life right this very minute. Feel free to comment and share your life with me. Don’t forget: make time your best friend!
On the right side panel of this blog site you see in bold lettering the title “WanderWords”. This is an Associative Dictionary where we make up our own definitions, type them in the box and develop our own dictionary together. For example, my first word was compassion and I defined it this way:
Move your mouse over the words in my definition. Do you see how the words become underlined in red coloring? All the underlined words now become words for you to define. Click on the word considerate or patient or listen and an empty box will appear for you to type your definition inside. Then you can see your word defined right there in the side panel for as long as you stay on that page.
What happens next? Your definition will show up on an alphabetized page behind the top menu tab entitled “Our Dictionary”. This might take a couple of days before your definition shows up so be patient. Just come back to see us tomorrow and check.
Here’s your chance to define words just the way you want to. Enjoy!
My heart is really tender around Mother’s Day time of year. Sure, because I have natural and step children, and now even grandbabies I love dearly. Each one gives such meaning to life. Each one is so uniquely different in their own gifting and abilities. I love family life!
But how do you remember, on Mother’s Day, the children you’ve lost ? Holidays truly are the hardest time of year for everyone whose experienced loss in any form.
But even more puzzling is how do you remember the child you carried but never got the chance to see his/her little face, touch their fingers and toes, or rock to sleep at night?
How do mother’s who had a miscarriage deal with Mother’s Day?
From experience and many observations, the answer is ’silently’.
As loud as silent can be, they walk among us never saying a word, but at the mention of the subject or the sound of another baby’s cry, they well up in tears and those around them wonder why because they’ve long forgotten what that mother could never forget.
Even in purposed miscarriage or decisive abortion, mother’s stuff their inner awareness and pretend it never happened because there’s no outward sign of that child’s existence.
Some people don’t cry at all. Their shock is paralyzing. They position pictures of their deceased loved ones everywhere and force themselves to remember everything just so they won’t forget them……but they hold back the tears. They simply refuse to cry as if somehow not crying will keep their memory from breaking or prevent their loved one from being disappointed in their lack of strength toward their passing.
Others cry all the time repeating over and over, “I don’t want to forget them.” Their shock is generating a flood of emotions in an attempt to keep their loved one’s memory alive.
Neither is healthy.
There were times I wore myself out trying to remember baby Jalon’s face, his giggle. How I longed to even hear him cry once again. Fortunately, just one year prior to his death, we purchased a video camera and shot lots of film footage all year long capturing some of the greatest moments a mother could ever have hoped for. One such moment was actually capturing Jalon’s first walking steps. He was sitting, then he pushed himself up from his knees and walked two steps. And I got it all on film! I watched it over and over just grasping that brief moment in his life.
Then I went to the other extreme of putting away all the photos. Nothing shared his face because I couldn’t bear his absence any longer.
Watching the video over and over and over in an attempt to keep Jalon alive in my memory while simultaneously remembering not to place his bowl and spoon at the dinner table was unbearable.
No matter what type of loss you have sufferred, there is one thing for sure: your body, mind, emotions, all of you, is in shock.
In the dictionary, shock is pathologically defined as the collapse of the circulatory function, caused by severe injury, blood loss, or disease, and characterized by extreme paleness, sweating, weak pulse, and very low blood pressure. In layman terms, shock causes a physical decrease or stoppage of blood circulation. Naturally, this is in varying types and degrees determined by the type and severity of the loss as well as the individual’s state of health and well-being. Think about it for a moment. To lose, by death, a grandparent who has lived to be 90+ has a severity difference to losing a child not yet 3 years old. Continue reading The Shocking Reality
Pronounce it anyway you like……jot-ul…..jot-il….jo-teel… .jah-tuhl…..
Oh, I wish I had a recorder listening in to all your possibilities. We could have a real good laugh about now; but wait, I have something for you to watch that you’ll just have to get somewhere private because you will not be able to stop laughing. Oh well, I warned you. That’s okay. You can be contagious this once! No one will mind too much!
Right‘in the middle’of your life’s situation……..make time to laugh!
My how time flies when your giggler gets going….
Well, let me tell you a little about myself. I will be 50 years old this September and I’m married to a wonderful man whose former wife died in 2002 leaving him to raise four beautiful daughters, alone. Prior to that time, I was happily married to another wonderful man who was divorced raising three daughters and one son, alone. We married and had two sons of our own. One of our sons, Jalon Micah, died in our home in 1993 and 20 months later, my husband died in a car accident not 2 blocks from our home. Our blended family is very acquainted with grief.
Before I share some things that helped me get through these difficult times, I want to give you time to express your heart on this real life subject of ‘death’ that will eventually touch us all at some time or other throughout our life time. Go ahead, click on ‘Leave a comment’ below and a reply box will come up just for you to share, right now!
telling about his singing now because I’m sure he’s improved over the years. After all, he’s had angels teaching and demonstrating a more excellent presentation. 
Oh well, I warned you. That’s okay. You can be contagious this once! No one will mind too much!
